Lets start spreading the news,,,

I think it’s a little easier telling friends than family. I met with some the evening after the colonoscopy, I told them what had been discovered and left it at that. They may well have drawn some conclusions but said little, their support came later when the full details were known.

I did not have an order of which friends to tell but wanted them to hear from me and not from each other. My choice of using an email may not have been the best but a phone call would have been even more difficult for the person at the receiving end. I felt that they would have listened and needed to respond, having had no time to gather their thoughts. Phone calls came from them when they felt ready. No, it was not a ploy by me to save on the cost of phone calls!

However one of the phone calls that I did make could not have turned out any better.

It was to a friend who is a lot younger than myself and one with whom I have had some great travelling adventures. We seem to have a similar outlook on life.

(Me) “Hi. How are you? I just thought I would give a ring, as we have not chatted for ages.”

(Him)  “I’ve been pretty busy, I should have rang. Any adventures planned?”

“I’d planned one big bike ride for 2015, I was thinking that you might enjoy it as well but I think I will have to put that on hold. Have you been training hard?”

“I was and doing well but I had a bad injury so I had to stop for ages. I was just getting back into it but taking it slow and steady when “R” (his girlfriend) had a serious problem with her back and needed urgent surgery.  So both of us have been out of action. Pity, as we had some great plans for this year, some great races to enter. By the time we both recover the year is going to be half over. So what’s the problem with the bike ride?”

“I have bowel cancer, but don’t worry its all sorted, in fact I maybe back to adventures about the same time as you and “R” will be, by the sound of things!!”

“Wow, I am sorry to hear that, not such a great year for us all then. What’s going to happen?”

“Its quite simple I think as I discovered the Cancer early. The surgeon just cuts out the bad bit and sews me up, leaving part of the small bowel outside to which he fits a bag for the collection of ****! This gives the large bowel time to heal. Then he will reverse the operation by reconnecting both ends again. Human plumbing, I guess”

“If it’s that simple I can do it, I have my First Aid Certificate.”

“If its all the same to you mate, I will let the surgeon have a go! There is some good news though. You know the way “A”  (A is a Liverpool FC supporter) says Everton will never win the FA cup as long as I have a hole in my A***. Well, I won’t have for a while so this could be our year for the trophy mate!” 

“Well don’t be in a rush to get sewn back, try to last out for the season. Just a second…”

I could only hear him faintly as he had lowered the phone from his mouth in order to talk with his girl friend

“If you have to go don’t worry I will catch up with you again soon.”

“No, its just “R” asking who is on the phone. She wondered why we were laughing so much. I’ve just told her who it was and that you have Bowel Cancer. She was a little shocked that we were laughing but I’ve promised to explain later.  She passes on her best wishes”

“Say I am sorry to hear about her back and tell her that I’m glad she’s making a full recovery.”

“I’ll tell her, I must say you do sound confident.”

“I am, very confident. The surgeon says that I am fit and should be capable of handling everything that they need to do in order for me to recover. He also says I am intelligent, handsome, and a pleasure to meet. In fact, all round, an extremely good chap.” (I added some lies here for effect.)

“I would ask for another surgeon if I were you as any one who thinks that about you can’t be that clever.”

Then followed another bout of laughter from us both and the conversation continued in this comical way. As you would imagine there were a lot more funny remarks than I’ve included in this post but I’m sure that you have got the idea.

Like me, my friend looks on the bright side of life and always looks for the positive. In fact, thinking about it, most of my friends do.

Tractor Man

GBNHS

 

 

 

 

Telling the family.

When you say to a family member “ I don’t want you to worry”, the first think they do is to worry!

In situations like this people communicate in ways that suit their own character and personality. Some may like to keep the information private and have their own thoughts before telling family and friends. Others may prefer telling close friends and family as soon as they have the information. For me, it seemed important to be honest and open with the family from the start. It may have given them concerns about the future but knowing what was going on hopefully prevented the thought “what’s he not telling us…”

Understanding that they would be upset I wanted to convey that having met with the Consultant, I was very confident that all would be well. I wanted them to have as much of a positive feeling for the future as I had. Not easy! So, how to do it?

When talking I wanted the diagnosis bit to be short then spend more time on the positive outcomes.

What about?…, “Hi Guess what?” or “Remember I told you that I was going to the hospital, well guess what?” Maybe it could be “You would never have guessed that when …” I decided to do away with the guessing game as they had probably been guessing since I told them why, having seen my GP, I was going to the hospital.

What about?… “I saw the consultant/doctor today…” No. I have seen and heard that line in so many films…you know what’s coming…either she is pregnant…. or he is terminally ill.

What about? “I need to tell you….”

I had got to a stage when I was beginning to rehearse this and that’s not my way of doing things! So I decided to say it in a confident and an affirmative manner. This is what the results have shown, this is what going to happen, it’s all very positive from the consultant and I’m aiming to be active again very soon.

As it happened the opening words from everyone when I either met them or telephoned was “How did you get on at the hospital?” so then my response was as I have said above but with the added humour that can only be spontaneous and then is instantly forgotten. I needed to pass on my positive feeling to others. I realised it was harder for them to handle than me. If I showed that I was very confident about what was happening hopefully that emotion would pass on to them. In truth I was very confident.

I was in the action and they were watching from the sidelines, which I think is far more difficult. Ask any sporting coach and they will say the same, that it’s far harder watching than playing. I actually felt much happier if I took the lead and made it my responsibility to look after them emotionally.

It was my birthday a few days before the results which on reflection, I think was very lucky if it had been later I think that my presents would have consisted of a dressing gown, pyjamas, a toiletry bag or even slippers with pom poms on!

I think the children’s game called “Operation” may have more appropriate. This is a game in which you have to lift plastic body parts out of a plastic representation of somebody on an operating table. This is done with tweezers and must be carried out with care in order not to touch a certain part of the body, if you fail an alarm buzzes. I wonder if medical students play this game? More fun after a few beers I would think.

Tractor man

GBNHS