Telling the family.
When you say to a family member “ I don’t want you to worry”, the first think they do is to worry!
In situations like this people communicate in ways that suit their own character and personality. Some may like to keep the information private and have their own thoughts before telling family and friends. Others may prefer telling close friends and family as soon as they have the information. For me, it seemed important to be honest and open with the family from the start. It may have given them concerns about the future but knowing what was going on hopefully prevented the thought “what’s he not telling us…”
Understanding that they would be upset I wanted to convey that having met with the Consultant, I was very confident that all would be well. I wanted them to have as much of a positive feeling for the future as I had. Not easy! So, how to do it?
When talking I wanted the diagnosis bit to be short then spend more time on the positive outcomes.
What about?…, “Hi Guess what?” or “Remember I told you that I was going to the hospital, well guess what?” Maybe it could be “You would never have guessed that when …” I decided to do away with the guessing game as they had probably been guessing since I told them why, having seen my GP, I was going to the hospital.
What about?… “I saw the consultant/doctor today…” No. I have seen and heard that line in so many films…you know what’s coming…either she is pregnant…. or he is terminally ill.
What about? “I need to tell you….”
I had got to a stage when I was beginning to rehearse this and that’s not my way of doing things! So I decided to say it in a confident and an affirmative manner. This is what the results have shown, this is what going to happen, it’s all very positive from the consultant and I’m aiming to be active again very soon.
As it happened the opening words from everyone when I either met them or telephoned was “How did you get on at the hospital?” so then my response was as I have said above but with the added humour that can only be spontaneous and then is instantly forgotten. I needed to pass on my positive feeling to others. I realised it was harder for them to handle than me. If I showed that I was very confident about what was happening hopefully that emotion would pass on to them. In truth I was very confident.
I was in the action and they were watching from the sidelines, which I think is far more difficult. Ask any sporting coach and they will say the same, that it’s far harder watching than playing. I actually felt much happier if I took the lead and made it my responsibility to look after them emotionally.
It was my birthday a few days before the results which on reflection, I think was very lucky if it had been later I think that my presents would have consisted of a dressing gown, pyjamas, a toiletry bag or even slippers with pom poms on!
I think the children’s game called “Operation” may have more appropriate. This is a game in which you have to lift plastic body parts out of a plastic representation of somebody on an operating table. This is done with tweezers and must be carried out with care in order not to touch a certain part of the body, if you fail an alarm buzzes. I wonder if medical students play this game? More fun after a few beers I would think.
Tractor man
GBNHS