Stand by, Lights, Camera.

I always wanted to be on television… I wonder what the ratings will be?

The thought of a camera entering and looking round was not a thought that worried me. I mean so many hundreds of people have already had that procedure and so I felt confident in attending the hospital and very confident that this would just be a routine day at the office for the staff. I think a positive approach was in my mind from the start. I will stress this now, and many more times in the future, that I had and will continue to have full confidence in the consultants, doctors and nurses who form the front line medical staff. However, as I was to learn there is a mighty army that support them.

So, this blog in meant to be funny; well there is indeed entertainment to be had.

If you think of your daily intake of food there can be a lot for the camera to get through (if you get my drift), so there is a procedure available to make way for the ‘film crew’.

Actually the cameraman stays outside and sends the camera in on a bendy wire thing. I am not talking about a wire coat hanger here with a Kodak throwaway camera attached to one end but some incredibly sophisticated equipment with a highly skilled consultant as cameraman.

To be able to see and investigate the large bowel it does need to be “empty.” A potion has been developed to empty the bowels, its aptly named …… “MOVIPREP”(R)

I can tell you it works quicker than when you’re watching England taking penalties in qualifiers, the thought of a driving test in the morning or maybe, as with some of my friends, when entering the pub first and finding themselves in front of the bar with the prospect of buying a round of drinks…that’s when they allegedly develop a sudden need for the toilet. I think you have the idea.

You modify what you eat two days before your appointment, which in not a hardship.

Depending on your appointment time, you take the bowel preparation then stand by…. Just when you think its not working …it does. Best to warn the rest of the household to keep clear of the bathroom or at least be prepared to vacate quickly.

Over a few hours it continues to work. I first thought that if I watched a program on the television then, when the adverts were showing (possibly the one with the dog playing with the toilet roll would be appropriate) I could visit the bathroom. No.. No.. NO!  It does not work like that. I found myself getting lots of exercise running up and down the stairs to the bathroom. In the end I just made camp there, sat and read a magazine. I decided against the good food guide, just a personal choice.

Like a rain shower in April the ‘activity’ eventually stopped and I had a comfortable nights sleep, as did everybody else in the household having been amused for hours by my dashing about. I was now required to fast until my examination was complete the following morning.

Please remember that although I make light of what’s happening to me, I never lose sight of the wonderful work of the NHS. So from now on you will see the following abbreviations at the end of each blog GBNHS. Which I’m sure you have already worked out means God Bless the NHS.

Tractor Man

GBNHS